Brooke’s Father
Sweet Slumber
Sweet slumber, unconscious blissful rest
Emotional pain seeps away into darkest night
Horrific abuse scantly buried, shallowly repressed
With anguish and fear silently takes flight
A few hours respite, the calm before the storm
Upon waking, the endless battle rages fierce
Relentless stabbing emotions and thoughts swarm
Wrenching mind and heart they deeply pierce
Escape, escape, escape shouts your whole soul
Abused shattered mind, spirals into the abyss
Relief at any cost, you’re losing all rational control
The day is won, destructive numbing urges you resist
Day after day, week after week, the cycle goes
Slowly, hope, joy and peace begin to blossom anew
A brighter future emerging from searing painful woes
Why so fleeting, anguished filled emotions ensue
Pained Heavenly Father and Mother gently reach through the veil
Anguish and pain forever flee as she’s tenderly caressed
Softly released from shattered mind, her final exhale
Sweet slumber, eternal glorious loving blissful rest
She’s finally FREE!
-Brett Folkman, June 30th 2018
Mother’s Loving Anguish
Passionate union, the creation of life
Divine spirit descends, anxious and bright
Loving watery embrace, nurtures and protects
Mother's tears of joy, happiness and delight
Physical suffering and pain has begun
Morning sickness, nausea, back aches sore
Weight gain, stretch marks, emotions strange
A tiny foreshadowing of what's in store
The Lord God to Mother Eve did speak
"I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception"
"In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children"
Bravely, this she knew, there was no deception
Simeon to Mary prophesied these words
"A sword shall pierce through thy own soul"
The purest virgin, likely didn't comprehend
The suffering to come, the emotional tole
These prophetic words, universally apply
To Mother's tender soul and charitable heart
For when her child suffers, innately so does she
Through searing pain and anguish, she takes part
The is no severing the emotional umbilical cord
The bond forged in utero unbreakably strong
Birthed in her blood, water, and spirit divine
Forever connected, Mother and child belong
Some bright candles, their flame snuffed out
Before the first breath of life they can take
Others a few breaths struggle, then back to heaven fly
Mother’s anguished soul, indescribable heartache
Her surviving offspring, subjected to mortal fallen world
Where the devil and his angels cunningly reign
Inspiring abuse, rape, heinous wicked deplorable acts
Consuming innocent victims with unspeakable pain
Suffering comes in myriad forms and shapes
Illusive mental illness, hidden in unneeded shame
Only those who suffer know the soul wrenching anguish
Mental emotional suffering, a hot knife burning aflame
So empathetic Mother, stabbing agony endures
Often watches as monstrous addictions take hold
Shackling victims in their grip of destruction and guilt
Her outstretched loving arms always ready to enfold
Even God looked upon earth “and he wept”, so Enoch asked
“How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears
as the rain upon the mountains?” – “wherefore should not
the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?” God declares
Heavenly Mother - the anthropomorphic heavens that weep
For Her children, for you Mother in your painful anguish
Your suffering is also hers, perfect goddess empathy
Heavenly Mother will tenderly nurture your languish
God – Mother and Father sent their perfect only begotten Son
Did Mother fill the bitter cup with her heartbroken tears?
Dregs of sorrow, spilling forth as perfect heavens weep?
The liquid embodiment of all suffering, pain and fears?
Christ in Gethsemane, willingly drank the bitter cup
“Which suffering caused myself, even God, to tremble because of pain,
and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit”
Through Christ’s infinite atonement, healing you can obtain
Christ’s atoning sacrifice was not just for sin as Alma explains
“Suffering pains and affliction and temptations of every kind”
“he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people”
Mother, to take your anguished pain, was Christ’s atonement designed
A final thought, from my mentor, Julian of Norwich in 1373
On death’s door, she had many visions of merciful Christ
She often “mourned and sorrowed” because of sin and pain
Jesus answered, He who performed the infinite sacrifice
“all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”
To this I can testify!
-Brett Folkman 2018, Doctor of Ministry
Sitting with Grief
Long late night flight, time to think and grieve, time slows and I feel all alone, isolated in my pain, tears silently emerge, coursing down my crimson cheeks, no bother, let the sorrow drain from my soul, just sit with your grief, embrace it, that’s what they say, but how do you just sit when your heart has been ripped wide open, how do you just sit with your grief when hot searing shafts of pain relentlessly stab at what’s left of your heart, how do you just sit when grief feels like a consuming fire burning you to ashes, how do you just sit with grief when you ache so deep to just hold your daughter again, to feel her warmth, to feel the pulsing of her perfect beating heart, to have her warm sweet breath gently caress your neck as you hold her tight, as you whisper, I love you sweet Brooke, daddy loves his little angel, to feel the depth and grandeur of her spirit emanating from her flesh, she feels so safe in my arms, she whispers back, I love you daddy, she doesn’t pull away, I rock gently back and forth with her in my embrace, just feeling the love engulf my sweet Brooke and I, this was my daily ritual with my Brooke, our long hugs, I’d whisper sweet things into her ear, she’d reciprocate, I’d whisper of God’s love, of Christ’s love, she’d say, I know daddy, thank you daddy for this and that, mostly trivial things of the day, a new toy for Indie, gas for her car, dinner for she and Guich, Brooke was so grateful for everything, when we’d hug, she’d always apologize for the smallest of things that she thought might annoy me, sorry daddy, I’d laugh and say no worries my angel, I’m not annoyed at all, Brooke is so tender hearted, she never wanted to hurt Sandy or I, especially Sandy, it always pained her to see her mommy suffer, Brooke’s empathy for suffering was so deep, because she suffered so deeply, but she’s suffering no more, Christ’s perfect atonement Brooke new intimately, she relied on her Savior to carry her in this life, Christ literally carried her through unwanted mental health challenges, horrific abuse, significant injustice, numbing addiction, her mortal journey took her through the valley of death and beyond many times, but she never lost sight of her redeemer, and now, she’s redeemed, now I need to learn from my angel Brooke, I need to look to my Savior to carry me through my grief and pain, she blazed the path, she showed me the way to rely on Christ to carry me through this mortal journey, a blink of an eye in eternity, I feel my Brooke guiding and comforting me now, my tears now dry, sweet memories of Brooke fill my soul, I reach towards my Savior and he encircles me about in the arms of his love, I surrender my grief and pain to him, I can’t comprehend it, but he compassionately sooths my aching soul, he brings solace to my broken heart, I know him, he’s no stranger, I welcome his healing embrace, he whispers into my ear, I love you, I feel my pain slip silently away, I feel him rocking me back and forth, I feel so safe in his embrace, I thank my Savior for his atoning sacrifice, for redeeming me from sin, for releasing my Brooke from her mortal suffering and pain, for knowing that his eternal sacrifice made possible that I’ll be with my Brooke again, for revealing her mortal journey was complete, tears silently run free, coursing down my crimson face, no longer alone, my Savior comforts me, the sorrow now drained from my soul, the new tears fill my soul with the peace that passeth all understanding, Christ’s perfect grace, peace and joy consume me, gratitude overflows it’s bounds, gratitude for my sweet angel wife, Sandy, gratitude for being sealed to her for time and all eternity in God’s holy temple, for being blessed with four lovely, amazing, talented daughters, for my new sons and grandson, for a sure knowledge that this mortal life is just a dot in our eternal existence, I know my Brooke lives on, I feel her spirit comforting me, I’m humbled, I’m in awe, I will forever praise my Heavenly Father and Mother and their perfect Son, Jesus Christ – I long to keep this feeling!! Yet I know that’s not how mortality works, so I’ll treasure this sweet experience and remember it often, they say to just sit with your grief, to embrace it, and you know what, they’re right, for that’s when God can work a miracle in your soul! So the grief cycle continues, pain, suffering, comfort, healing, joy, repeat – a microcosm of mortality.
-Brett Folkman, July 17th 2018