Ruby Mae
Ruby Mae is Brooke’s niece who came and left too soon. She is buried directly above her auntie Brooke.
Thoughts from Rebekah, Ruby’s mother:
“After 7 months of trying, the news of Ruby’s coming was the best birthday gift I ever received! Ruby is named after her two great grandmothers on both sides of the family. Ruby Helen Smith, her father’s beautiful grandmother, & Ruby Lee Maynes, mother’s grandmother, whom we had the blessing of being very close with.
The times I felt the flutters of Ruby Mae’s movement, it filled my soul with joy & anticipation. Before bed, Sam would gently rub my belly while he talked to his little girl. “Daddy loves you, precious Ruby!”. Our boys had a love for their sister as well. Arthur would often ask “see baby?” & excitedly kiss, pat, blow raspberries on my tummy. I had the blessing of growing and carrying her precious soul for 16 weeks.
When I delivered Ruby Mae in the hospital, I caught her little body in my hands. She filled my palm. I lost my breath, being overcome with her beauty, perfect tiny features, and the absolute love I instantly felt for her. When I looked at her, I knew & recognized her. In the same wave of deep love came a stab of loss & suffocating grief. The Savior was with me through every agonizing moment. When she was born the doctors told us she was closer to the size of a 14 week old. If that was the case & she had passed 2 weeks prior, she would have passed right around her auntie Brooke’s “angel day”, whom she is buried right above.
It is my belief that Ruby Maes spirit dwelled in the body we had created for her. For whatever reason, she was only meant to have a very brief time in mortality. She was not a ‘nothing’ or just dead tissue. I have no doubt that a precious spirit inhabited that little body which gave it life, movement, & awareness. Even if she had only developed to the point of having a heartbeat, surely that must be a qualifier for life and spirit!
I don’t understand why she had such a short existence, but I do know that because of Jesus Chrsit’s atoning sacrifice, each of us have the promise of the resurrection. She is our daughter & she is a beloved spirit daughter of Heavenly Parents. Oh how we love you, our precious Ruby Mae! Till we meet again.”
Thoughts from Samuel, Ruby’s father:
“It was on Rebekah’s 27th birthday that we first got the news a little baby would be joining our family. What a joyous and special day! A few weeks later, over General Conference weekend, we got the news our little baby was a girl! A daughter at last! The first granddaughter of the Folkman family. It was then we decided to name her ‘Ruby Mae Andersen’. Our little Ruby was 4 months along inside her momma’s womb.
Before she had passed away, she was making goal-directed movements like practicing opening and closing her hands and bringing them to her mouth to suck on. Her eyes were beginning to move and she was able to sense light and to hear sounds. We read online: “Talk to your baby and they will probably hear you. They will also hear your heartbeat and any noises made by your digestive system.” She was making facial expressions, even able to smile. Her taste buds were developing. She was practicing swallowing amniotic fluid and beginning to grow peach-fuzz like hair over her body to keep her warm. We still remember the sound of her strong heartbeat a couple weeks before she passed.
Ruby had received a beautiful tiny body and was ready to return to our Heavenly Parents. It does hurt that I cannot experience the joys of mortal parenthood with Ruby. Though that is true, I find peace in the knowledge that I will always be her father, and will have the opportunity in the next life to be with her, laugh with her, grow with her, and truly get to know her. All made possible through the atoning blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. How grateful I am for Him. Daddy loves you Ruby Mae.”
A journal entry from Rebekah a month after losing Ruby:
“It’s June 9th at 11pm at a gas station in Utah. Arthur & I laugh while playing ‘this little piggy’ with his adorable toes! Then my heart drops as I realize my womb is now empty, my little girl’s body is in a cooler next to us in the car, & I will never get to see & hear her beautiful laugh while playing ‘this little piggy’. I had her that morning & it still feels like a horrific nightmare. But somehow there is “peace that passeth all understanding”. Even through the flood of tears & agonizing heartache. The Holy Spirit encircles me
I hope sharing glimpses of my journey will help others who are suffering
When people ask me how I’m doing I either lie to their face (because I only have so much emotional energy) or break down in tears (because I’m an absolute mess right now). But I’m SO grateful for those who ask and for all the love, support, & outreach. I could have never imagined miscarriage could be this painful. My soul has been stretched. I have become closer to my husband & God, because I need them to breathe.
Following Ruby’s loss I had an apt that brought both comfort & confusion. Comfort came in the doctors confidence that I would have no future issues with healthy pregnancies. Confusion came when we reviewed all the ultrasounds, genetic testing, blood work, etc done when Ruby was alive that indicated nothing out of the ordinary. The doctor said that there was no way to know the exact cause of death, but it was most likely that the virus I had a couple weeks prior to her birth was transmitted to her & killed her. During our time in Utah we got hit hard with an adenovirus I’m trying not to go into the “what-if” game. I’ve learned that through other losses. I trust in God’s plan & I know I’m not immune from the pains of mortality. God “maketh his sun to rise on the evil & on the good, & sendeth rain on the just & on the unjust.”
I don’t know that I believe in the idea that ‘everything happens for a reason’. Sometimes the reason is just mortality, our environment, choices, catching a virus, etc. I DO know, however, that God is good and HE makes everything work for our good as we turn to HIM. He offers beauty for ashes & His promises are REAL and ETERNAL.”
Chapter from the book ‘Grieving the Child I Never Knew: A Devotional Companion for Comfort in the Loss of Your Unborn or Newly Born Child’ by Kathe Wunnenberg.
